Thursday, January 5, 2012

Panic with an edge of hysteria all tied up in creativity

I've been in somewhat of a frenzy since the start of 2012. Yes, that's not that many days yet, but the start of a new year has opened the floodgates of all that I have to, want to, and wish I could get done...

Basically, this is what simmers in the back of my brain on most days, bubbling over in a panic of "there's not enough time!" every few months.

It's a panic mixed with guilt for not having it all done already with my rational side trying to insert tiny teaspoons of realistic expectation whenever possible.  It's the balance.

When I'm in the middle of a project it looks like I'm concentrating hard, really focused on and enjoying what I'm doing. But, if you could take a peak inside my head you'd see that part of it is mapping out the other 100 projects I really want to be working on RIGHT NOW, even though I also really want to work on this one RIGHT NOW! Another section is having an entire conversation about guilt. Guilt for not doing enough, guilt for choosing this project over that project, guilt for concentrating on what I want versus my children (who happen to be happily playing with their toys and not paying me one ounce of attention...). There's also the part that's just super happy to be creating something of my very own.

It's all bubbling under the surface, despite the calm exterior.

And that's not even touching that stack of books I'm dying to read.

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