Monday, September 19, 2011

The Birds Series: The Stalker

Those that know me know that I have an irrational fear and hatred of birds. (Actually, I think it's perfectly justified!)  "But Why?" you might ask. There are a number of traumatic experiences to point to and, in an attempt to bring some levity to your day, I'm going to chronicle as many of those moments as I can remember.  So...keep a look out for The Birds Series.

Sometimes birds prefer the sneak attack. I had just dropped my car off at the shop and had some time to kill. Since Target was across the giant wasteland of a parking lot I started walking, talking to Steve on my phone as I made my way to time-wasting paradise.

A suspicious bird caught my attention from the corner of my eye as I walked. He kept pace with me while eyeing me with beady yellow eyes. I have enough experience to not be fooled by the small size of a bird so I was getting a little nervous but holding it together admirably – I hadn’t even mentioned Stalker Bird to Steve. Stalker Bird finally recognized my fortitude and flew a couple of feet into a bush up ahead of me, giving me some relief.

All was fine until I walked by the bush, minding my own business and still on the phone with Steve. Like a black bullet Stalker Bird burst out of the bush, head butted my arm and then flew off to safety! I screamed, shrieked and promptly burst into hysterical, body-heaving sobs before heaving myself to the safety of a parking divider. It took me a couple minutes to realize that Steve was still on the phone trying to figure out if I was being kidnapped, attacked or just having a run-of-the-mill seizure.

I stood in the middle of the divider, still wailing with a torrent of tears cascading down my face, trying to assure Steve that, yes, I had been attacked but I was still alive and only slightly shaken. I did clarify that the attacker was a bird so that he could avert his own heart attack.

Eventually I calmed down enough to make it to the safety of Target and, when I got the call that the car was ready, I took an entirely different route back!

It only occurred to me later that during the entire time I was sobbing and shrieking in the parking lot not one person stopped as they drove by to see if I was ok!

Other postings in this series:
Birds, not just your feathered friends
The Birds Series: The Chase
The Birds Series: The Feeding
The Birds Series: The Castle

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