Bad Mommy

"Bad Mommy!"

The Princess hasn't actually said that yet but she could be thinking it. It's certainly running through my head sometimes.

Overall we're transitioning well. I know this. The Princess is happy more often than not. Sometimes The Sweetpea has to sit and cry a little bit longer than I'd like before I can respond, but she's thriving. I'm getting sleep and Steve is keeping his sanity (sort of) in the midst of work, kids and a start up company.

But there are the moments that sometime expand to marathon battle-of-wills sessions. My patience is at it's end and we haven't even finished breakfast. I've said "not right now" or "in a minute" too many times to count. She's playing by herself, a wonderful trait, but today it's only because I've rejected her multiple times. I made a fuss over yellow socks because they didn't "go" when I should have been focused on the fact that she was listening to me and following instructions.

I'm almost 33 years older than she is. You'd think I'd be better at this.

I still check on her every night before going to bed but she doesn't know that.

I love her to pieces. Hopefully she can feel it.

Dry Spell

The Sweetpea is in bed and asleep at 8:30pm which means I have two free hands for typing (or doing other things but I want to watch The Amazing Race; multi-tasking!)

But my brain feels dead and dry, like I'm trying to remember how to just spell words much less put them together to make sentences. Plus I don't have much rattling around in my brain other than diaper changing techniques and toddler-speak.

It will get better, I just have to start noticing the rest of the world around me again. In between the spit-up episodes and convincing The Princess that wearing cat pajamas all day for 3 days in a row isn't the best way to go.

Six Weeks

So...it's been six weeks since The Sweetpea made her arrival. I seriously don't know where the time has gone. It feels like it's been a blink and here we are. Yes, there have been some seriously long days in that blink but overall the speed in which we've moved continues to disorient me!

Six weeks is long and short. It's been one continuous juggling act. How many things can I do with one hand? How quickly can I get any one task done? (or realistically, HALF of the task. Any task takes AT LEAST two days right now!) How many outfits can I pull together before actually leave the house? It's mentally exhausting more than anything.

But I look at The Sweetpea and am shocked that she's outgrown the brand-new-newborn look already. She looks like a real baby now. She's cooing and chatting a little and her blue eyes have emerged from the film that covered them in the beginning.

The Princess has pushed through the growing pains of losing her only child, center of the universe status. She's caring and kind and sweet to her little sister and she helps me immensely!  She's still refuses to get close to The Sweetpea when she's crying - she can't handle the noise. But, who can blame her! You've got to hold to you principles and intolerance of noise is one of the "Royal Principles" around here.

It's been six weeks and I'm finally typing with two hands! For a few minutes at least. Small steps to independence that make me happy and nostalgic at the same time.