Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Hard Parts

So I wrote an entire post about this, left it overnight and then deleted it after re-reading it following a "good" night's sleep. It's not that what I wrote wasn't true, it's just that it sounded more like the person I want to be in this situation rather than who I actually am right at the moment.

One of the hardest things about parenting is the questioning. No, not The Princess or Sweetpea questioning my parenting abilities but me constantly questioning myself! Right now I'm questioning the whole sleep thing (among other things but that's what I'm most focused on at the moment). The Sweetpea is old enough to start learning to soothe herself back sleep if it's not time to eat. Oh, and to STOP yanking that pacifier out of her mouth when she practically dislocates her shoulder in order to get her arm out of the iron cased swaddle I've put her in!

But knowing that she's old enough is different than knowing that she ready. Or, more importantly, that I'm ready! Basically it comes down to me questioning whichever decision I make...  If we start working on "crying it out" and listen to her scream and cry upstairs I worry that I'm being too hard and calloused. If we continue on as we are with swaddling and comforting am I setting her up with bad habits that are harder to break in the long run?

I try to remember back to what we did with The Princess. It's all fuzzy...which makes me think that I was probably just as tired from lack of sleep as this time around - in spite of the fact that they both really are good sleepers overall... I do remember being in the same agony of indecision; worrying that whatever I was doing wasn't good enough and wasn't  best for her.

What it comes down to is that I want to do what's best for The Sweetpea. And it probably won't be the exact same thing as what we did for The Princess, if I could even remember what that was! I'm trying to focus on that fact. Whatever I do, I'm trying to make the best decision for her. It won't guarantee a tearless night or a mistake free parenting moment, but it won't be from a lack of effort.

As far as getting a full night's sleep...well, that may not happen for another 18 to 30 years from what I hear. The problem may change but my worry about them in the middle of the night won't.

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