Bad Mommy

"Bad Mommy!"

The Princess hasn't actually said that yet but she could be thinking it. It's certainly running through my head sometimes.

Overall we're transitioning well. I know this. The Princess is happy more often than not. Sometimes The Sweetpea has to sit and cry a little bit longer than I'd like before I can respond, but she's thriving. I'm getting sleep and Steve is keeping his sanity (sort of) in the midst of work, kids and a start up company.

But there are the moments that sometime expand to marathon battle-of-wills sessions. My patience is at it's end and we haven't even finished breakfast. I've said "not right now" or "in a minute" too many times to count. She's playing by herself, a wonderful trait, but today it's only because I've rejected her multiple times. I made a fuss over yellow socks because they didn't "go" when I should have been focused on the fact that she was listening to me and following instructions.

I'm almost 33 years older than she is. You'd think I'd be better at this.

I still check on her every night before going to bed but she doesn't know that.

I love her to pieces. Hopefully she can feel it.

Dry Spell

The Sweetpea is in bed and asleep at 8:30pm which means I have two free hands for typing (or doing other things but I want to watch The Amazing Race; multi-tasking!)

But my brain feels dead and dry, like I'm trying to remember how to just spell words much less put them together to make sentences. Plus I don't have much rattling around in my brain other than diaper changing techniques and toddler-speak.

It will get better, I just have to start noticing the rest of the world around me again. In between the spit-up episodes and convincing The Princess that wearing cat pajamas all day for 3 days in a row isn't the best way to go.

Six Weeks

So...it's been six weeks since The Sweetpea made her arrival. I seriously don't know where the time has gone. It feels like it's been a blink and here we are. Yes, there have been some seriously long days in that blink but overall the speed in which we've moved continues to disorient me!

Six weeks is long and short. It's been one continuous juggling act. How many things can I do with one hand? How quickly can I get any one task done? (or realistically, HALF of the task. Any task takes AT LEAST two days right now!) How many outfits can I pull together before actually leave the house? It's mentally exhausting more than anything.

But I look at The Sweetpea and am shocked that she's outgrown the brand-new-newborn look already. She looks like a real baby now. She's cooing and chatting a little and her blue eyes have emerged from the film that covered them in the beginning.

The Princess has pushed through the growing pains of losing her only child, center of the universe status. She's caring and kind and sweet to her little sister and she helps me immensely!  She's still refuses to get close to The Sweetpea when she's crying - she can't handle the noise. But, who can blame her! You've got to hold to you principles and intolerance of noise is one of the "Royal Principles" around here.

It's been six weeks and I'm finally typing with two hands! For a few minutes at least. Small steps to independence that make me happy and nostalgic at the same time.

Happy?

About a month ago The Princess started asking me a new question.  "Are you happy, Mommy?"

"Wow" I thought "What a thoughtful little girl we've been raising! So concerned with my feelings and my emotional health!"

I noticed that she often asked me this when she had just done something naughty...but at least she was acknowledging that her bad behavior was causing emotional stress for me, right? Very advanced for her age, I'm sure!

I've been very careful to answer honestly - Yes, I'm happy. No, I'm sad that you're not listening to me. Since I want to foster good communication between us I'm always sure to ask her how she's feeling - we're learning and growing.

Then the other day she asked me again.  "Are you happy, Mommy? Or are you Sneezy?"

So...we've been talking about the Seven Dwarfs for the last month????????????

The Princess and The Sweetpea

The Sweetpea

She has a light covering of dark hair on her head. It’s smooth and silky against my cheek.

She screams bloody murder when getting her diaper changed and if she has to wait more than 30 seconds to eat. Because we might just be starving her…  Other than that she’s content and quiet.

She’s not sure about the swaddle. She sleeps deeply with it but if she realizes she’s swaddled she fights to get her hands out.

She’s a great eater but She spits up A LOT!

She has long fingers.

Her toes are always cold.

Her left ear was folded down at birth. Now it’s popped up and she has nice little ears, close to her head.

She smells delightful.

She likes getting her head washed.

I managed to cut 3 fingers when trying to trim her nails the first time. I’m going to stick to the nail file from now on.

She sleeps peacefully through all of the kisses she gets from The Princess.

She likes the vibrating chair – WITHOUT the vibrations.

She eats every two hours but doesn’t cry or fuss in the middle of the night. Just lies there quietly if she does happen to have trouble going back to sleep. Mostly she just goes back to sleep though.

Her little mouth turns down at the corners.

She has and will always have blue eyes.

Sometimes she stutter breathes and it makes my heart stutter right along with it.

Sometimes she breathes so quietly I stare at her to see if there’s any movement before I start panicking.

I love to kiss her.


The Princess

She says she misses me whenever I leave or there’s the possibility of me leaving. It makes my heart sing and break at the same time.

She HATES to hear The Sweetpea cry. “Why is that baby crying?” she says over and over.

She asks/tells us to take that baby to a different room whenever The Sweetpea cries or gets ready to cry.

She showers The Sweetpea with kisses.

She asks “why?” all the time.

She’s reveling in the extra time with Daddy.

She struggled the first couple of days with all the changes, but the struggle was internal only coming out in little bursts.

The first time The Sweetpea cried she asked “Why is she crying?” then her chin wobbled and she burst into tears herself. I curled up around her and tried to soothe to pain.

She asked me to sing while she was in her bath. We sang “Great is Thy Faithfulness” together and I cried through the entire song, rinsing her hair with my tears.

She seems like she gained 20 lbs in the 24 hours I was in the hospital! How did I lug her around when I was 39 weeks pregnant?!!

She is amazing at playing and entertaining herself.

She suddenly seems so big and so grown up. But she’s still a little girl.

She’s so beautiful.

I love to kiss her.

Birds...not just your feathered friends...

I originally wrote this as a Facebook note a couple of years ago. While we're trying to figure out how to schedule our lives now that The Sweetpea has arrived (more on that later!) I thought I'd move this little gem over here. 

Enjoy another laugh at my expense. There's a never-ending supply, trust me!

We spent the weekend on the Oregon Coast, home of many bold Seagulls... I love going to the coast in the winter when it's cold, rainy and windy. Going when it's sunny and beautiful is good too. It's really a perfect way to spend the weekend if only they didn't have so many birds around!

We have become early morning risers now that we have a toddler. Therefore, at 7:30am we were making our way to the local coffee shop for a latte and muffin before making our way to the beach to set the high energy child loose. Since I know that breakfast is the MOST important meal of the day, I broke into my muffin as soon as the coffee shop door closed behind us - I need to be properly fortified for a day of running around in circles on the beach with Miss High Energy!

I was 1/2 way through the muffin when we hit the beach (I'm a fast eater, the beach isn't that far...). A smallish group of seagulls were milling around near the entrance; far enough away to lull some unsuspecting fool into complacency, but close enough to spot any potential food that could be coming their way (small white pastry bags being a dead giveaway). I took two steps on to the beach and the seagulls raised their heads and started walking slowly my way. Steve is not haunted by birds like I am (please see my 25 Random Things note if you're not aware of my exact feelings about birds - blog addition: they're pure evil!) so he and The Princess merrily walk towards the ocean, completely oblivious to any impending doom.

I noticed the birds and immediately realized the mistake I had made in bringing a pastry bag with me (hello giant target on my back!). Of course, since I hadn't thought everything through I had eaten the bottom part of my muffin first - saving the top part, the best part, for last! What to do?? I was still hungry, had the best part of the muffin still to eat, and yet the seagulls were eyeing me, practically drooling. (Have you noticed that Seagulls have this little red spot on their beaks? It looks like blood - I'm just saying...) So, I did the only thing I could do. I started cramming muffin top into my mouth as fast as possible while walking calmly away from the birds.

They weren't fooled. They started walking faster and a couple of them took to the air so they didn't lose sight of their goal. I started to perfect my speed walking technique (without running - they always say never run - but maybe that's just for dogs!) as I stuffed muffin into my mouth and looked around wildly to see if an audience at the hotel windows had gathered!

The birds started to close in and I started to hyperventilate a little bit (maybe it was because I had so much muffin in my mouth I couldn't get any air into my lungs!) and I knew there was only one thing left to do. I grabbed the rest of the muffin out of the bag, crumpled the bag in my other fist and prepared to run. The birds sensed the moment of decision and before I had even thrown the muffin towards them they started to run towards me, gaining momentum to either take flight or just run me down. I threw the muffin in their direction and ran the opposite way with their cackles ringing in my ears! Steve and The Princess were still watching the spectacle from the sidelines.

Now, you'd think that I would have learned my lesson... But when you get up that early you often have amnesia. The next morning I again walked to the beach with my latte and pastry bag (same muffin - it was so good!). I remembered the issue right before turning the corner, but when I peeked around the edge, there were only 2 seagulls out there and they were way down by the water. I was feeling brave and I KNOW I can eat fast so I decided to risk it. I had no sooner opened the bag (they should give you quiet plastic bags, the rustling of the paper is a dead giveaway!) when a seagull suddenly appeared with a knowing glint in his eye. Just one though, so I thought I could probably take it if it came to that.

I started with the muffin top this time (I learned part of the lesson at least!). I had managed to get a couple of bites in when the Seagull let out a croak - obviously he was the sentry and that was the signal. Seagulls were suddenly circling overhead and gathering around me out of nowhere. I can only assume they were buried in the sand waiting for me because I was watching CAREFULLY and I only noticed TWO when I stepped onto the sand! They weren't taking any chances on losing out this morning either. They were coming from all directions and closing in fast. I knew that I had to act quickly and this time I called for Steve to come save me. Seeing the panic on my face (and probably hearing it in my feeble cry) Steve waded through the feathers with The Princess pointing out EVERY SINGLE BIRD! "B!, B!, B!"

I grabbed The Princess, shoved the muffin into his hand and took off at a run. He could fend for himself with the food! I wasn't hungry anymore and I figured he'd probably survive a bird attack. When we'd made it to safety I turned around to see what had become of my husband. There he was, walking calmly through the birds EATING his own croissant and KEEPING my muffin in his pocket to throw away later! (He said they didn't deserve it and he was keeping it to spite them!)

What I have learned:

• It's difficult to NOT pass on your phobias to your child when your surrounded by them and they are inherently evil.
• Never bring food to the beach no matter how brave you feel or how badly amnesia is affecting you.
• It's good to have someone in your corner who will "spite" birds for you.

This entire story can be verified by Steve if you happen to think that I"m exaggerating...!

Hysteria...the final frontier

10 days until the due date. This, of course, is totally dependent on "yet-to-be-named"... She could decide to come tonight or Labor Day or next year... (please Dr., intervene before then!)

Overall I'm feeling pretty good. Huge, yes. Unable to move or get comfortable, no. So things are good.

HOWEVER.
EXCEPT.
BUT.


We're in the 3rd of a 5 day stretch of 90 plus degree days. We don't have air-conditioning.

I'm feeling an edge of hysteria creeping into my thoughts...